In Tribute to Gene - who Mexicanized my life!

 

 

November 16, 2015

 

Today should be a day of celebration like it has been for the 42 years since I met Gene, my partner in all things life related.  Today would have been Gene's 72nd birthday...a number he didn't like to hear and one he quite honestly didn't believe.  In his mind he was the perennial 64...the Beatles song he loved.  Gene never wanted to be old, if being old meant not being able to be independent, and he will always remain perennially young in our hearts and minds.  Gene passed away on a beautiful day this summer at our home on Denman Island, his other happy place. 

 

Coming back to Mexico with Cori, our faithful canine travel partner, and the only real Mexican in our family, has been bittersweet.  First it is not an easy trip to Zihuatanejo with a dog who is too big to fit in the cabin from Victoria, my departure point in Canada.  So my adventurous friend Irena came along to assist.   With stops in Seattle and an overnight in Los Angeles, where Cori spent his night in a dog friendly hotel, it's another almost full day of travel down to Zihuatanejo, all involving carrying luggage, checking papers and heavy lifting. 

 

But if I thought the hard part was getting here, it has paled in comparison with being here and sharing the sad news of Gene's death.   Some of my friends knew and have been waiting to give hugs and blessings but for those Mexican friends who had not heard, it is a tearful, heartbreaking exchange of emotion.  And it is not getting easier.

 

There is a theme to all of the exchanges that includes: you are not alone - you will always be loved, "animo", which loosely translates to "you can do it, take heart, don't give up", and that Gene is with God and will live on in my heart forever.  Some friends express their emotions in quiet words of understanding, others openly cry and hug me fiercely for several minutes.  They are also often sentiments of "death is part of life...it is a circle of life" and I am reminded that I have a wonderful family and now thanks to God, a beautiful healthy grandson. 

 

Doraliz and her family have prepared special gifts for me, treasure chests of photos and phrases meant to lift my spirits.  Doraliz is dedicating her nursing career to Gene and it is one of my current biggest pleasures to see that she is continuing at school and making her career goals a little closer to reality. 

 

But if I am honest, this is much harder than being back in BC, where the world clips along at a fast pace.  I was buoyed along for the past 3 months, by great friends and family who helped me by calling, visiting and hosting two wonderful memorials that focused my energies onto creating a beautiful place for others to share in my grief. 

Here I am reminded everywhere I look of Gene who had a larger than life presence here, in our complex of middle aged Gringos, on the streets of our Colonia La Madera, where he walked Cori so often and out at the beaches where we loved playing.  Restaurants where our favorite singers entertained do not feel the same when the person who loved the music, loved to dance isn't with me.  I'm afraid that Zihuatanejo cannot be the place it was when there was the 2 of us to experience it together.

 

Gene brought me to Mexico, first in 1975, and it was a love affair that flourished.  We grew it, just as we grew our relationship into the full all encompassing experience life can be.  My challenge is to try to see the brightness and the light that has made Mexico my happy place in the absence of his presence.  Gene, I miss you so much, life is not the same without you, I don't know how this will all work out, but I am trying.   I'm waiting for that feeling of my Mexicanized life to bring the joy back into my heart.    

 

Gene's 70th Birthday on Calle Adelita 2013

And when the news in the world seems to be very sad and all I can think of his my own sadness, then I am reminded by the Mexican's I see on a day to day basis, that no matter how hard life can be, if one smiles and looks for the best..then all is possible.  This is a place where what on the surface seems to be hopelessness, is overcome by faith, love and kindness.  I hope I can begin to practice what I see.