In Tribute to Gene - who Mexicanized my life!

 

 

November 16, 2015

 

Today should be a day of celebration like it has been for the 42 years since I met Gene, my partner in all things life related.  Today would have been Gene's 72nd birthday...a number he didn't like to hear and one he quite honestly didn't believe.  In his mind he was the perennial 64...the Beatles song he loved.  Gene never wanted to be old, if being old meant not being able to be independent, and he will always remain perennially young in our hearts and minds.  Gene passed away on a beautiful day this summer at our home on Denman Island, his other happy place. 

 

Coming back to Mexico with Cori, our faithful canine travel partner, and the only real Mexican in our family, has been bittersweet.  First it is not an easy trip to Zihuatanejo with a dog who is too big to fit in the cabin from Victoria, my departure point in Canada.  So my adventurous friend Irena came along to assist.   With stops in Seattle and an overnight in Los Angeles, where Cori spent his night in a dog friendly hotel, it's another almost full day of travel down to Zihuatanejo, all involving carrying luggage, checking papers and heavy lifting. 

 

But if I thought the hard part was getting here, it has paled in comparison with being here and sharing the sad news of Gene's death.   Some of my friends knew and have been waiting to give hugs and blessings but for those Mexican friends who had not heard, it is a tearful, heartbreaking exchange of emotion.  And it is not getting easier.

 

There is a theme to all of the exchanges that includes: you are not alone - you will always be loved, "animo", which loosely translates to "you can do it, take heart, don't give up", and that Gene is with God and will live on in my heart forever.  Some friends express their emotions in quiet words of understanding, others openly cry and hug me fiercely for several minutes.  They are also often sentiments of "death is part of life...it is a circle of life" and I am reminded that I have a wonderful family and now thanks to God, a beautiful healthy grandson. 

 

Doraliz and her family have prepared special gifts for me, treasure chests of photos and phrases meant to lift my spirits.  Doraliz is dedicating her nursing career to Gene and it is one of my current biggest pleasures to see that she is continuing at school and making her career goals a little closer to reality. 

 

But if I am honest, this is much harder than being back in BC, where the world clips along at a fast pace.  I was buoyed along for the past 3 months, by great friends and family who helped me by calling, visiting and hosting two wonderful memorials that focused my energies onto creating a beautiful place for others to share in my grief. 

Here I am reminded everywhere I look of Gene who had a larger than life presence here, in our complex of middle aged Gringos, on the streets of our Colonia La Madera, where he walked Cori so often and out at the beaches where we loved playing.  Restaurants where our favorite singers entertained do not feel the same when the person who loved the music, loved to dance isn't with me.  I'm afraid that Zihuatanejo cannot be the place it was when there was the 2 of us to experience it together.

 

Gene brought me to Mexico, first in 1975, and it was a love affair that flourished.  We grew it, just as we grew our relationship into the full all encompassing experience life can be.  My challenge is to try to see the brightness and the light that has made Mexico my happy place in the absence of his presence.  Gene, I miss you so much, life is not the same without you, I don't know how this will all work out, but I am trying.   I'm waiting for that feeling of my Mexicanized life to bring the joy back into my heart.    

 

Gene's 70th Birthday on Calle Adelita 2013

And when the news in the world seems to be very sad and all I can think of his my own sadness, then I am reminded by the Mexican's I see on a day to day basis, that no matter how hard life can be, if one smiles and looks for the best..then all is possible.  This is a place where what on the surface seems to be hopelessness, is overcome by faith, love and kindness.  I hope I can begin to practice what I see.

 

 



I Left my Heart in Zihuatanejo...the reality of a Mexican Life

So much has happened since I last wrote.  But in order to feel "closure" and to truly convey the difference between experiencing Zihuatanejo as a tourist; those lucky carefree people who arrive for one or two weeks and live out their dream of a tropical paradise and; and our reality,  I have to write some closing thoughts for this season. 


The week before departure is always bittersweet.  This year, with only 9 weeks in total in our Mexican winter home, and the prospect of leaving the casita in the hands of our property manager and camarista to close, I felt less pressure in our last week than other years.  I didn't have to pack all of our possessions, and household items;  but simply ensure that our clothes, toiletries, jewellery and food were left packed up so that a single pre-arranged renter could enjoy the casita once more before it closes for the season.  

Instead we focused on seeing the people who matter the most to us during our time in Zihuatanejo and ensure that they each know how much they mean to us.  

When we returned to Zihua this year, it was Doraliz's 18th birthday and perhaps our last year of support and like all long distance relationships, there was the likelihood we would drift apart.  But happily and with great pride and hope on all parts, we will continue to assist Doraliz as she enters nurses' college this fall.  She's chosen a path that should provide her with the ability to continue to live with her family in their modest home, but also use her skills and intellect to obtain a career with a good future for employment.  Of course, the fact she has chosen my career is a bonus and we feel great optimism for at least the life of one young woman in a country where many have limited futures due to poverty, abuse and lack of education.

Our farewell family dinner at the traditional location of their choice, Viven Las Pizzas is a joyous affair. This year there was 12 of us in total with an age range of 87 to 1 month.    This is a large extended family, which now includes great grandma and Doraliz's new niece; all of whom will soon reside in the same house/store/storage center.  So much to cope with and so little resources, but we feel confident they will survive the "low season" and we are excited to keep updates via email, Skype and/or Facebook.  

Then there are our favorite restaurateurs, people who make us feel like special honored guests time and time again.  It's possible to think of them as simply appreciative of our business when times are so tough; but it doesn't feel like that.  It honestly feels as if we are "friends or family" and they will truly miss us.  They mean it when they call you friend and they go out of their way to make us feel appreciated each time we visit.  Jorge summed it all up "I'm sad when you leave, I'll miss you so much, I feel like my heart is breaking when all my friends go away".   Gracias Jorge for always, always treating us well and for enduring the tough restaurant business of Zihuatanejo. 

And of course there are my favorite musicians; a group of talented local Mexican guitarists, vocalists, percussionists and wind instrument players who entertain us each week in various venues.  We said goodbye to all.   This year has been especially fantastic for the opportunities to hear local music have expanded and now include at least 2 Playa La Ropa beachside cantinas, my favorite Pozole Restaurant Santa Prisca and Jose Cobo's Cantina de las Sirenas, which has chosen to open at 6 pm until 10 p.m every Monday for the early to bed Gringo set.   The real difference between a Mexican woman and a Gringa is that they can work all day, make every meal from scratch, manage a household of kids and parents and still dress up and go out looking fabulous at midnight to dance salsa with their appreciate husbands!   Spanish music is like medicine for the soul and mind.  It's rhythms and melodies move our bodies and our spirits in ways that not a single guitar player in the recent Zihuatanejo Guitarfest could evoke.  We will miss you all and hope that next season we find you all in our favorite venues, playing the music of Mexico! 








The last few years I've spent a lot of time with a woman who became a friend after our "partnership" in sewing began.  I first became friends with her Mother-in-Law, Isabel the "juice lady"...but soon extended my family bond to Lety and realized that both of these women coped in households damaged by alcohol abuse.  Lety is smart, articulate, talented and caring.  Her exuberant friendship has resulted in my owning items I could never expect to have or even seen...handmade macramed sandals, water bottle covers, hand-sewn cushions and handmade jewellery.  Every one of these has been given to me with no expectation of anything other than our friendship and a hope for the future.  I love my Mexican friends who base friendship on the here and now, and not on any hidden agenda.    This year I listened to her hope for a new future and I hope her dreams will come true; but I also know that there are so many barriers to her dream life, I applaud her ability to remain positive in the face of so much adversity. 

And in the face of huge adversity, I said goodbye to young Maria, the new Mom to Eric, her third newly born child.  She will raise her 3 children without any support from their father but I feel she will manage in the household of Lilly, her employer and "abuelita" who offers her a daily refuge where her children are safe, fed, and welcomed in to a home full of love and care.   Buena suerte Maria, you are loved by many! 


But perhaps most poignant was our final dinner in Zihuatanejo, spent in the company of fellow extranjero's and residents of La Ceiba,  Iris and Bob and a favorite Mexican amiga who has known us all for years.  A friendly person who has made so many persons' who visit Zihuatanejo see the local culture and cuisine, she has met persons who travel the world and share their experiences at her Cooking School.  This has opened a world that calls to her and her adult children.  I wish they could visit us in Canada and for their son and daughter to see the land of opportunity.  But like us, their hearts are inexorably linked to Zihuatanejo. 

 

So why does this Canadian continue to visit Mexico?  I can't say that I have the same reason as all the other Canucks who have escaped the frozen north, just to bask in the sun and warmth of Zihua.   Winter on Canada's west coast is not the same; I'm a "fake" Canadian in the eyes of our Eastern friends.  Life on Denman Island is a virtual paradise by comparison to the rest of Canada....but I know the answer.  It's not about the weather...it's the people we love in Zihuatanejo.  It's why I will continue to spend winters in a Third World country, riddled with crime and corruption.  Because being in Zihuatanejo is not only good for me, it's good for the people of Mexico that have welcomed us to their home with open arms.  I'm now a "Residente Permanente" of this large, diverse country, opening the doors to a future I can't yet know.  Nos vemos en Noviembre! 

Music, a metaphor for life; and closing the door one more time

The small city of Zihuatanejo is a world away from being considered multicultural.  In fact, walking the streets of the city, other than the winter immigration of mostly elderly Canadians and Americans who have chosen to spend some or all of their winter here, one sees a sea of Mexican faces.  Some are dark and may reflect their long ago African roots; the descendents of African slaves who made their way to the Costa Grande decades ago.  Others are fair of skin, based on their intact Spanish ancestry. 


The strolling street and beach vendors are a homogenous group of Indigenous women and men who make their way to the coast to sell the variety of crafts and wares often produced in the mountainous interior and sold here during the "high season".  Small statured, tanned leathered skin and some speaking their indigenous dialects,  they are a group unto themselves; not integrated into the mainstream of the city. 


But most residents of Zihuatanejo are an attractive mix of indigenous native Mexican and Spanish heritage.  Black haired, tawny skinned and dark eyed, they are the smiling faces of the children and youth who are the hope of Mexico. 

People in Zihuatanejo aren't exposed to the concept of a "multicultural society" like Canada or America.  Many haven't travelled beyond the borders of the city, or perhaps at best the state of Guerrero.  Born and raised in the same city as their parents; they have limited awareness of the world outside of that portrayed in movies or television. 

So when the yearly Zihuatanejo International Guitarfestival in it's 12th year invites musicians from around the world to this small beachside village, what do locals think?   Mexican music is melodious, voices are rich and warm, sounds are soothing and many are "love songs".  How do locals react when they are exposed to music as diverse and at times as challenging to listen to as scorch folk, finger picking guitar, slide guitar, rock a billy and Pakistan sufi? 








In the words of Juan, the young man who is one of the videographers of the festival, "it's a chance to hear all the ways music is played".  It's music in a multicultural mode in a land of Spanish guitarristos!  It's vicarious travel for those Mexicans who have decided to attend the festival and hear what has brought so many tourists here in the lull between winter "high season" and the upcoming Semana Santa. 

And this week, with our music festival guest Irena (herself a Scot, descendant of Polish immigrants, who has made Canada her home and is an expert in Spanish music and particularly the flamenco), we are readying ourselves for our annual pack up and trip back to Canada.  We are making our last trips to favorite restaurants, last walks on favorite beaches and last chances to say goodbye and hasta luego to our friends.   We,  the Canadians with our Mexican dog Cori who  has the dream life of  a home in Canada where the air is clear and people have so much. 

There's many things that I miss about life here when I return to Canada.  Color, music, food, warm air and a beautiful ocean...but we know we are blessed.  We live in a country where diversity is the norm and our access to the multicultural world isn't limited to the 10 days of an "international" guitar festival. 

Friday is our last chance to see the little village of Barra de Potosi that is opening it's doors for it's second annual street fair.   It's old world Mexico opening it's doors and heart to the new world of diversity!

 

Grocery Shopping is a Mexican adventure

It's been a few days since I walked on La Madera beach early in the morning, just in time to see the sun rise behind the hills south on La Ropa beach.  Yet again, I find a treasure!  A local man has created a stunning sand creation for Valentine's Day (Dia de la Amistad).   His work is legendary here...and it's all done with no funding I believe, but just simply to celebrate a place he loves...stay tuned for a creation I see underway today celebrating the ocean where a sirena serenely floats amid grasses.  Sirenas, "mermaids" are the stuff dreams are made of here in Zihuatanejo, the place of women. 

When one needs groceries, and even though it's tempting to only eat out, I do prefer cooking as a healthier and cost conscious option;  one can choose a couple of methods...the easy "Gringo Friendly" Commercial Mexicana, a well stocked and familiar Costco affiliate that offers everything one needs in a clean, bright air-conditioned store similar to stores "back home".  Hence the appeal to the many North American retirees who are currently here in Zihua.   At this time of year, the customers are easily 5 Gringo's to every 1 Mexican, except on "loss leader Wednesdays" when the aisles are filled with produce at bargain basement prices...I forgot my camera, but I promise a photo in the future to be added right here!

When planning a shopping trip to CM, we bring the car and load up the trunk with alcohol, big box items and head to and from home in a hurry so nothing is spoiled in the 30+ degree weather.

Or, in direct contrast , the other food shopping option, which I often prefer; is to walk the steaming busy streets and enter the main Mercado Principal with it's mazelike hallways, vendors and stalls and find just about anything and everything that is in season, fresh and delicious.  I prefer the street stalls and market for fresh produce, fish and flowers; leaving my canned goods, alcohol, paper products and other household needs to the big grocery store chain. 

Oaxaca treats made a special appearance in the streets surrounding Mercado this week.  Chapulines (dried grasshoppers) and fava beans in chili...both favorite "botanos" that are made to accompany a chilled mescal or tequila in the afternoon!

Pancho tells me that the Huachinango "Red Snapper" fishing was exceptionally good last night, so his stall has these faces cheerily waiting to be bought.

 

 

Local Musicians serenade the shoppers who have stopped for a bite to eat in one of the many lunch counter style "fondas" surrounding the stalls. 

 

 

 

After the market, walking back along Calle Cocos, I find my favorite avocado man, who although I suspect I get charged the "gringa price"; usually throws in one of the pre-cut display halves for free.

And I love the tropical plant stalls that have sprung up.  I am a regular purchaser of plants even though our condo is full of beauty I can find room for one or two more each season and when they outgrow their pots on my patio, they are welcomed into the gardens at Casa Ceiba.

Trucks drive into town from the surrounding farms and sometimes, I suspect they don't even have to unload, but are instead bought out by customers before they reach the shops they were intended for.

Back in Commercial to gather some staples that you can't buy as easily in the market, I can't help but notice the vats of pre-made mole all decorated and ready to go.  Not something I've considered buying in bulk...but who knows?  Maybe this is truly the modern Mexican woman's convenience store.

Back in my neighborhood, I'm struck with the beauty of the banana flower and baby bananas hanging in my neighbours garden.  Food and beauty are everywhere in Zihuatanejo!

Zihuatanejo - International City of Peace (so proud of the little town that could!)

Yesterday was one of those days that the stars just aligned in all the right ways to focus my little love affair with Zihua. 

First of all, it was another glorious, blue sky day.  After my long morning walk, and Gene's exceedingly long bike ride in Ixtapa, we went out of town to the fresh air breezy location of Playa Larga.  It's an easy car ride and a quick walk out to our usual spot where we set up our chairs and umbrella and relax...well, at least one of us does.  The other spends their time throwing balls,  walking the hard sand at the waters' edge, dodging huge waves and interacting with 2 local beach dogs who decided our place looked pretty inviting, with a fresh water bowl, shade and a cute little poodle-cross to play with.   All with a constant eye out in case the caballeros on their ponies are heading our way,  Cori is not a "horse dog" and requires saving a few times each year when he chooses to bark full on at the hooves of the handsome and ever so patient cowboys and their gentle mounts.



Just as we were getting ready to leave, the show began!  Humpback Whales have been making the long arching bay of Playa Blanca their winter breeding and feeding grounds and they put on quite a show.  Regrettably, we were not equipped with cameras for the occasion, but it is a great feeling to see them breaching and blowing and shining in the sun. 

So on arrival back home, after unloading the pounds of sand that Gene finds so annoying from car, bags, clothes, dog, chairs and umbrellas, I headed to El Centro to see what a "peace ceremony" would be like.  Dignitaries from the local, municipal, and state governments were on hand together with the various members of the Peace Committee who have worked for years to meet the qualifications required to receive this honorary designation.  With heavily armed federal police, security agents and local police forces ringing the square, the recently appointed governor was escorted onstage to make his first appearance locally since the 43 students in Iguala disappeared at the hands of what is supposedly a government led massacre.  I found myself wondering what the ceremony could signify that would bring about any real change in this country where violent means is the end of many lives.





Could these sweet and smiling young boys and girls of the program Nino's Adelante who had been invited to sing with Juanito be the beginning of a change of heart in Mexico?  Let's hope so...

On my morning walk today,  peace was indeed in the air, I can't imagine any place I'd rather be on a dull and rainy day back on Denman Island, than here in Colonia La Madera, one of the UN's designated centers of peace! 

We can and do hope for a better future for our adopted home.  Let Peace prevail!

 

 

 

 

 

A place for everyone, and where everyone is needed

The winter tourist season is in high swing since we left just before Christmas...I was worried, what with warnings from both US and Canadian governments, a chaotic and dysfunctional local government, a city with crumbling infrastructure and health concerns, would people come back?  All one needs to know the answer is to walk the streets of Colonia La Madera to realize, yes the tourists are here!  Restaurants that seemed at risk of survival, with little or no customers in early December are now experiencing line-ups each night.  I'm happy for my Mexican friends.  They basically earn their entire years income in the 5 months between December and end of April, when the last of the die-hard Mexico lovers pack up and head back to what is hopefully a warmer clime.   And they do it with non-stop smiles, friendly hugs and for those of us whom they have come to know, a genuine interest in how we are.  It's a love-in of epic proportions. 


 But as I glance around the faces of the "extranjeros"...many familiar, but also many new faces who may be on their first vacation here and stroll in groups through the town, I wonder....do they understand how their world and this world are so far apart?  Do they see the need, or like us, until we knew the Mexican families and; became part time residents of a small neighborhood where we know the neighbors, Nino's Adelante sponsors,  -  is it just a pretty beach side town with too many bars, too many restaurants and an abundance of tacky tourist stuff to bring home as a "recuerdo" of Mexico? 

In our first week,  we have been reconnected with the people we love.  Doraliz has matured, she is within a few months of high school graduation and remains committed to her goal of nursing school.  This tugs at my heart strings a little...I never expected any of my children to become nurses, but thinking of my sponsored child becoming a nurse does create warm fuzzies in me...  And she is experiencing her first practicum as I write.  Her family is now caring for their aged "bizabuela"...Doraliz's great grandma who has heart failure and normally lives alone in the small pueblo, south of Zihuatanejo  without the medical care she needs.  So adding to a house that is only partially built, home to 3 children, 2 adults, chickens, birds and a dog and various members of the colonia when they have problems, as well as functioning as the local tienda (store) and storage area for building materials for the squatters homes; Doraliz's family have opened their home to care for a person they love.  Meanwhile, another grandma who lives in Zihuatanejo is also struggling with end stage untreated diabetes...and will join their family when she needs the assistance.  I find myself wondering how many of us in Canada in our large, luxurious homes that sit empty most of the day would ever consider bringing their aged relatives in to live...

 

And in my neighborhood, our local pedicurist, beautician, a 20 something young Mexican woman who grew up in Texas in a community of illegal migrants and returned to her husbands hometown here in Mexico a few years ago, is 6 weeks away from delivering her 3rd child.  This is not a happy story.   Her young, uneducated and abusive husband left her for a teenage girl, has dodged paying child support to her 2 other children by claiming he was unemployed; and has attempted to assault her on numerous occasions.  But when I ask Maria how she is doing; she tells me that because her own mother was not a responsible parent, she is even more committed to trying to provide the best life and  home she can for her soon to be 3  young children.  In Mexico, children are valued and are part of every occasion.  Children grow up in sight of their parents and grandparents most of the day.  So not only will Maria do her best, but the home where she works will also be a refuge for her on a daily basis; both before and after she delivers this baby. 





So with these cares in my mind and heart, are we having fun yet?  Yes....it is Sailfest; the opportunity for local gringos, sailboaters and tourists to flex their donation muscles and support worthy causes in the school community.  Por Los Nino's, an umbrella charity that builds and supports classrooms, food programs and scholarship programs like Nino's Adelante is the annual beneficiary of this fun, well-organized event.  Tonight, my favorite musicians take the stage for a huge benefit concert...and we are going!




Cori is adjusting once again to his Mexican life....  As always, one of our first stops is to get his hair cut as sand and poodle curls make for a messy experience daily.  Hoping to spread our tourist pesos around, we tried out the newest business downtown, a pet spa/boarding facility that promises vacation delights for pets left behind (don't tell Cori), Cori endured yet another too short cut and went from being perceived as big and strong to being revealed as the skinny, almost frail looking poodle he is.

But that doesn't stop him from having fun in the best way he can, ball on Playa Madera...it's a huge treat to be back in the warm ocean and running on the sand with the kids of Mexico to play with. 

Within the walls of Casa Ceiba the days are relaxed.  Return renters lounge in the sun, warming their aged bones and remarking on how beautiful it all is.  Our staff are preparing for the annual general meeting of our condominium.  This year we will become a home owners association; and we will operate the building to the best of our ability.  Personally, our mental and emotional investment in this community has diminished as we find ourselves wondering where the future will take us.  But nevertheless, I am in the final stage of immigration and will soon join Gene as being a "permanent resident" of Mexico.   Who knows...maybe another Mexican community has our name on it?  Just like our move to Denman Island...with an open heart and an open mind...anything is possible!

And meanwhile, the newest member of our family just keeps getting cuter and bigger than ever - le extranamos mucho Wyatt...your Mexican friends and family are waiting to meet you!  A place where family means everything.